More about Counseling

Here is some more information about how counseling works

  • Mysteries of Counseling

  • Inherent Potential to Survival and Self-Cure

  • The Basis: the Self

  • The Difference between Egocentricity, Narcissism and Love of Self

  • Unlike other animals, human beings grow on love

  • Your Choice

      Mysteries of Counseling

    There is still a lot of unknowns, hence existence of various theories why counseling works.

    Let us take for example, why does a positive reinforcement such as praise work?

    One feels that one's confidence is restored and that energy to do more is enhanced.

    It looks simple but is more complicated than what meets the eye.  So why is confidence restored?

    It is an information of recognition that your way of doing was the right way.

    Impediment such as doubt is removed and it feels as if energy to go ahead is being released.

    Positive reinforcement work with animals too but in humans, it is also a positive appraisal of you as a whole.

    It gives you a feeling that you are OK.  It is an affirmation of your Self and your identity.

    Since it came from nowhere but from within, it can be assumed it existed all along but has been blocked.


      Inherent Potential to Survival and Self-Cure

    A human being is born with an inherent energy to survive.

    Otherwise a birth would not have occured, or it would have died soon after.

    Energy for survival is at the root of growth, adaptation to environment, competition, aggression, self-improvement and  pursuit of happiness.

    This human will, be it unconscous, enhances development as well as compensation and adaptation.

    That is self-cure. Like a tree with branches cut off will sprout out again, so will humans heal and compensate.


      The Basis: the Self

    Not in all cases does one dance to music of praise. The basis of confidence is the Self.

    Without the Self one can notlearn from experience.

    It is the Self which can be trained to become self-aware and self-examine, hence correct the wrong.

    Otherwise a seed falls on a barren soil.

    A person who has not developed the sense of Self does not know what to do.

    He/she follows others, gets manipulated and get hurt. There is no boundary for self-protection.


      The Difference between Egocentricity, Narcissism and Love of Self

    Everywhere you will find a self-centered person who talks only about him/herself. They are egocentric.

    When carried further to narcissism, there will be a disregard of others and a sense of omnipotence that does not allow failure.

    Looking at them you cross your heart that you would never be like them.

    But to love yourself is not synonymous with the above. In fact, it is often the opposite.

    Without a positive feeling for yourself, you can not truly appreciate others.

    In order to understand and/or love others, you must first love yourself enough.

    If you disrespect your own judgement, what good is your evaluation of others?


      Unlike other animals, human beings grow on love

    Human beings share 99 % of DNA with chimpanzees.  We are closer to animals than one would think.

    Like animals human babies are nurtured in safety by mothers.

    Only in a safe environment animals can fully develop their full potentials.

    Abandoned animal babies are threatened in their survival. They do not develop well and become victim in the law of the survival of the fittest.

    Humans are born even more prematurely than animals. In order to grow, they need the love of the mother in addition to nurture and safety.

    It is known for fact that human new borns respond not to nipples alone but to the eyes and smiles of the mother.

    In an orphanage I have visited, babies who were picked up on the street were lying in rows of bed.

    Those babies were blind and in foetal position no matter how old they were. They did not survive beyond three years of age.

    Love is a learned behavior like any other.

    Having been loved by a loving mother a human being can in turn love him/herslf and learn also to love others.

    In humans survival of the species depend not on heat and instinct but also on love.


      Your Choice

    So what is the difference between man and other animals?

    Silly question as it may seem, the difference is the existence of a developed emotion in the humans.

    Pets and other animals nearer to homosapiens may have emotions but the range and target are limited.

    Human emotion is more developed and therefore complicated, controling all aspects, physical included.

    In animal world there is no falling in love, no bullies, no jealosies, no inferioritiy complex, no hate.

    But in that world, there is also no appreciation of art, of empathy or creativity.

    Which world would you want to be in?